No.5495
Radio interference on the old implants.
So Fish Tank season 27. The 'Tank, as Sam liked to call it. This time he was sure he had the formula down, and it was finally going to be funny (except for the parts where the Vietnamese man is on stream, because that guy's hilarious).
No.5498
Here's the deal: fifteen twelve year olds, one penthouse New York apartment, and we're going to get them to run a business! It's going to be crazy. We're going to get Frank Hassle (wait no, he's dead) We're going to get Peter Perturbance (the better Frank Hassle, in my opinion), and he's going to come in, and every time one of those twelve year olds has some dumb business idea like "I want to make a Spongebob!" or some gay shit, he's going to hold them by their ankles, and dangle them over the balcony!
It'll be funny, because it's ironic!
No.5499
Man, good thing they reformed child labor laws, after literally every person in their 20's died in that last war. Fucking Zoomers, LMAO.
Anyway, it means I can be much funnier now. Because younger people are easier to fuck with. They think I'm really who I say I am, the idiots.
No.5500
At this point, Sam's neuralink started picking up a Brazillian soap opera, and he lapsed into a coma for seven minutes.
No.5501
Here's how the story went: Juan Conseulez, a newly made millionaire..
No.5504
Had a table. And on the table there sat…
a big brown ass.
No.5505
Belonging to the cleaning lady Deborah Deblonge. A steamy affair was underway, while Jaun's wife was out, buying shit nobody asked for (women, right?)
No.5507
Here is a list of the items Juan's stupid cunt of a wife was buying at this very moment:
1. A fucking fake metal rack thing that goes under a bathroom bason to hold bottles of shampoo and shit
2. a carpet rug to place on an already carpeted floor
3. a cushion for a sofa that has too many cushions on it
4. some "nice biscuits" that you aren't allowed to eat, because she wants to "have them in the house"
5. a piece of art for the wall with like a picture of a tree and some annoying slogan on it like "love your own stinky fuck ass" or some shit
6. one of JK Rowling's books that Harry Potter doesn't appear in. She says she'll read it, but she wont, because Harry Potter isn't in it.
7. a magazine about flowers
8. a jar of pickled fish eyeballs, bought from a nice old Chinese lady
9. the legal deed to a donkey
10. an antique tin pot, supposedly owned by minor nobility in the 18th century
11. a genetic testing kit claiming to be able to prove if you are in fact part fairy
12. some fucking shit bread that you can't do anything with because it's shaped like a pinecone or something, and made entirely of seeds
13.
No.5508
A fish tank bruh in the middle of the dash
No.5509
A fish tank… tank tank tank…
14. shoes for a pig
No.5510
13.
A BIG BLACK PENIS!
ooooOOOOH woooooooooohOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
A BIG BLACK DINGER DONGER!
a big DARK WILLY!
No.5511
14. shoes for a pig
No.5512
15. Sam, how do I get an Asian cosplay girlfriend?
No.5513
"By being black"
No.5514
Samuel Hyde blarted out, as he sprung to attention.
No.5516
and he farted
No.5518
And as he farted, he felt it all slip away. His prestige, his cool image, his razor sharp edge. He was an old, bald man, farting on a Youtube livestream, for an adoring audience of Incels and third world Mongoloids…
No.5519
With his little tiny eeny weeny white peenie in his hand
No.5520
watched "DankiusMemez" the biggest MDE fan of all.
"A fine display" said he "bravo! bravo! hip hip hooray!".
No.5521
"Hoorah for my pop pop Samuel Hudenborg, and his cavalcade of experimental comedy stylings! Truly he has pushed the envelope once again, and I am left astounded! I shall tell my descendants I was there! I was there to watch Samuel, as he sharted his shorts on cam. A tour de force! A Gran Turismo, indeed!"
No.5522
Samuel Hyde decides to shove a huge black dildo up his ass for his audience. Samuel goes up and down, up and down, up and down, letting out a fart as he does it, jerking his tiny shriveled kike dick for his adoring fans.
No.5524
You know, ironically.
No.5525
Chapter 2:
The Return of Jon from Fish Tank Season 1, Who Uploaded His Brain to the Internet (like in Ghost in the Shell), to Dodge the Draft
Sam Hyde's ass was almost fill to burstin'…
No.5526
A sudden noise of tearing is heard, the next thing the poor fat old Sam Kike knows is that the dildo is fully in his ass and it's stuck.
No.5527
He makes that sound of Tom from Tom and Jerry yelling.
Like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA".
No.5528
and then ejaculates into his own mouth.
No.5538
"IZ DAT -THE- FISH-TANK, BRUH, EANNUH MIDDULLUH-DUH GLAAA-AASS?!"
No.5541
What's the deal with black people? I mean, they're not black, and they're not people. I mean come on!
No.5542
Said Jon from Fish Tank Season 1, Who Uploaded His Brain to the Internet (like in Ghost in the Shell), to Dodge the Draft
No.5549
who then proceeded to
No.5559
But that simply wouldn't fly for ol' big time Johnny One-Eye, the Spurt-Spry Tyke who Chikes-it-Up (what a CLASSIC CHITE-TRIPE THROWBACK!!).
No.5561
But then, from the deepest recessed corner in the room, the wily, zesty buck interjected:
No.5564
"My name is Super Ramon!"
No.5565
Armond White enters the room, with a big white cigarette hanging from his plump lips. He looks around and asks no one in particular.
"The Super Ramon? It would be an honor to meet him, I love his cinematography."
No.5580
"PIM- GODNO PIM- PIM PIMPIMP NOOOOO-OOOO-"
No.5604
Non ce n'est pas vrai, ça n'a jamais été comme ça ! Tout dépend de la personne ! Il y a des BBC incroyables tout comme il y a des BBC que je ne supporte pas et c'est pareil avec des bites blanches, Il faut goûter à toutes les saveurs ! Au début de ma carrière, quand je suis arrivée aux États-Unis, toutes les filles ne tournaient pas avec des Noirs et moi, en tant qu'Européenne et Italienne, je n'arrivais pas à y croire. Je disais : "Tu es une salope. Tu prends tellement de bites. Quelle est la différence pour toi ? Tu crois que ça fait vraiment une différence ?! »
Aujourd'hui je pense que les choses se sont améliorées. Maintenant si une fille ne tourne pas avec des noirs, elle est considérée comme raciste, à juste titre. Mais j'ai l'impression que lorsque j'ai commencé à tourner aux États-Unis, ce n'était pas comme ça. C'était comme si tourner avec des Noirs était la chose que vous feriez plus tard dans votre carrière et c'était dégoûtant ! Il y a tellement de racisme autour de nous…
No.5607
Signal's all cross-hatcheted again, Sam mused. GAY NIGGA SHIT…THE YAKUZA Y-SINE!
No.5608
And so, Jon from Fish Tank Season 1, Who Uploaded His Brain to the Internet (like in Ghost in the Shell), to Dodge the Draft
No.5610
Manifested before Sam, kind of in/out of reality at the same time (he's in the internet, but the internet is in Sam's head, get it? I'm not explaining this again. If you're too slow to get it. you shouldn't be reading this. Go and do knitting or something. Go and dig your turnip patch. I don't care bro. This is big brain cyberpunk literature. You HAVE to be smart AND cool to understand it. Comprende?)
He manifested before Sam, like the Ghost of Christmas past/present/ AND future.
He looked glorious. Fantastic, he looked. He glowwed a glowwy orange, and his pecks were chiselled, and he was naked sans a fig leaf across his groin, which did very little to cover his eight inch floppin' cock. Foreskin intact, and smelling of freshly peppered salami.
He manifested before Sam, and he had a lil grin on his face, and he opened an ornate scroll, and he began to read Sam his sins…
No.5611
1. U TWEATED ME LYK SHW-WIT AWN FWISH-TWANK!!!!
No.5612
2. YOU PUT MY BIBOWL IN THU WASHING MASHIYN
No.5613
3. YOU DEW DEULS WID GOBLINS, AND GROGNARDS, AND DEBILS. YOU DEW ARCANE MAGICUR RIDUALS. YEW SACRFIZED A VURGEN TEW MOLOG
No.5615
"I didn't do any o'that stuff, Jon…"
No.5616
4. YEW KIGGEDA HOWMLESS MAYN IN'DUH HEAD, AN TOOK HIS DAWG…
No.5617
"That was a prank"
No.5618
"I downd see hao thad's a pwank"
"Cause it made me laugh when I did it."
No.5619
SUDDENLY, PIM AND CHARLIE FROM SMILING FRIENDS CRASHED THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF EAN THEIR MORTY & RICKYMORTICED SPACESHIP!!!
No.5620
"Oh good" said Sam Hyde. "It's my celebrity pals the Smiling Friends. Perhaps they will make me smile again!"