/bane/ - Big Guys (4U)

I miss you bro. It has been 10 years since you died. I remember before you even started to lift when we would chat on WoW. I thought you were just some dumb kid, but you would always want to know about weird random shit I was doing wherever I was deployed. I remember when you told me about how you and your brother were going to hit the weights. I remember how surprised I was that you became a meme. I always would laugh at the pictures you would share of yourself hoverhanding a girl and how that even though you looked the way you did it all came down to self-confidence, something you sorely lacked. You knew you had a heart condition but you still felt insecure enough that you could justify the risk of using gear. It wasn't even the gear that really killed you, but the lack of self-confidence that led you to going to going to Thailand for cosmetic surgery and the drugs and sauna that broke your heart.

You were a genuinely cool kid. Hard working, dedicated to anything you put your mind to. You would support everyone around you with 120% of your ability and never bury anyone to make yourself feel better about yourself. You were easy going, kind hearted and humble, too humble. You never saw yourself as having value just for being yourself. You always sought out the approval of others, and it killed you in the end.

I am sorry Mero. You were a good friend I knew for a few years and I think I should have tried to put the brakes on you before shit got too far. I miss our late night/early morning bullshit sessions. I miss listening to you brag after you finally made it. I miss having one person who didn't judge but would let me vent over some girl not sucking my dick at a club and then laugh at me for beating someone up over it before encourage me to do better.

You were a king and the Biggest Guy I ever knew. Right now it is the anniversary of your death in Australia. I think things would have gone a lot different if you hadn't died. Everything has become cynical and ugly since you left and I hate it. I want my old friend back. I want it to be 2007 again. I am going to send Olivia an email and remind her of what day it is. I doubt she will care but it just feels like the right thing to do.

Scarab mounts for day