>>164276After getting #MeToo'd in 2017 the controversial award-winning comedian turned social activist, Louis C.K. had withdrawn from the spotlight and rumours began to circulate online and in the press. There were rumours that he had travelled to Africa or had died during the BLM protests, but after months of research it became known that he had become a monk and cult leader, and that he and his followers and acquired a large estate in the so-called "Borscht Belt" of the Catskill Mountains. The site had been a former holiday resort, but had now been transformed into a religious commune. Some claimed it was a degenerate and nefarious sex cult funded by Jews, while others discarded this and referred to them as harmless truthseekers with an alternate view on race relations.
In order to get to the bottom of this and confirm or deny the allegations we set out to visit their compound and to talk to the man himself.
Opinion in the nearby town appeared to be heated, though none of the denizens wished to speak to us, or any other outsiders. Only the local sheriff agreed to talk to us, though he had to cut the interview short since he was rather busy at the moment due to the disappearance of two hitchhikers in the nearby Catskill Park. Six young white women had gone missing in the area in the span of just four months. "It began around the time these cultists moved in," the sheriff said. "Of course," he quickly clarified, "I do not mean to insinuate that the two are connected in any way. The two events merely happened to coincide."
With our worries thus put to rest we began on our journey towards the cult's estate in good spirits, eager to speak to the now so reclusive comedian. As we drove along the road we could not help but notice that a great number of houses appeared to be empty and boarded up, while others had for sale signs put up.
A long, winding dirt road cut through the densely forested wilderness for miles and miles. After a while we reached our destination and were greeted by a large portal of solid timber. The name of the former holiday resort had been graffitti'd over with the name "Blackhaven".
We were greeted by a representative we had contacted beforehand, who had agreed to show us around. Our arrival attracted some attention from the members of the cult, who eyed us suspiciously.
As we made our way through the main camp we noticed a large clearing some distance off, and in the middle there appeared to be the remains of a large bonfire. This, we were told by our guide, was the interracial breeding grounds, where they performed certain nameless esoteric sexual rituals on moonless nights to the feverish beating of drums and discordant and cacophonous piping of vuvuzelas.
The once-grand buildings had been reduced to a rather sorry state due to neglect and vandalism. Our guide informed us that they were entirely self-sufficient and had educational programs for the future generations included black history, urban dance, and language (ebonics and pidgin). For the older students there were courses in "Niggerology and Egyptology".
A sort of temple or shrine, where, according to our guide, there was an altar of a highly venerated fetish in the shape of a phallus expertly crafted from imported Egyptian ebony wood. Two Zulu warriors with impressive and rather formidable afros, wearing only lioncloths and armed with traditional shields and spears guarded the entrance. "Ayo! Hol up!" they hollered at us, and our guide informed us that no white men were allowed into the temple, where some kind of ceremony was being carried out with the burning of incense and the ringing of bells and the muffled sounds of rapturous moans of pleasure.
When we inquired about Louis we were told that he had taken up residence in a traditional African mudhut with thatched roof up on the nearby mountain. Our guide told us that he rarely ventured down to the main complex and only oversaw certain nighttime rituals, having handed over the reins to his wife's sons.
It was a strenuous two-hour walk up the mountain-side to Louis' hideout. Situated in a shady grove was a small, windowless one-room hut. When we arrived he was attended by a Nubian witch doctor, who eyed us suspiciously and quickly hurried off, leaving us alone with the controversial comedian.
His head was shaved and so was his beard, leaving him completely hairless. He sat on a mat on the floor, wearing only simple all-black robe. In the dimness of the hut it took us some time for our eyes to adjust, and we were rather shocked by his haggard and sickly appearance. He appeared to have a hard time focusing his gaze or forming sentences. His complexion was ghastly to behold; pallid, mottled and with dark, bruise-like shadows under his bloodshot eyes.
We introduced ourselves and after a ghastly death-rattle laugh he informed us that we are the first "pale faces" to visit him in months.
He strongly forbade any form of artificial light, saying it was an anathema to him, and that he now spent his days in absolute darkness and extreme solitude contemplating and meditating. In a near-whisper he informed us that he was preparing his body and mind for a state of meditation so profound it would induce suspended animation and eternal meditation.
Upon reaching this state of undeath he sincerely believed, and fervently hoped, to become an "eternal cuckold". He had instructed the other followers to do him up in blackface, complete with red lips and an afro wig, and place him in the temple in front of the ebony cock. "I'll be black inside and outside!" he chuckled weakly before nodding off due to extreme fatigue.
To prepare his body for this the former comedian would undergo years of preparation during which he would live only on black bull semen extracted from a white woman's vagina and certain dark-coloured berries and roots to help prepare and preserve his body and mind for eternity. Another important tool to aide him in this process was listening to traditional African folk music, in particular Congolese throat singing, and gangsta rap.
Watching hardcore interracial pornography was another important step in the process, but Louis was quick to inform us that he absolutely denied himself sexual release by always wearing a chastity cage, and despite our protests, made a point of showing it off. He assured us that its key had been thrown away. Constant arousal and desire without release whilst being exposed to hardcore interracial cuckoldry-themed pornography and meditating on interracial breeding, cuckoldry and the very nature or idea of something he termed "Blackness", was the only purpose he as a white man had, he revealed before dosing off or losing consciousness again.
During or interview we were told he had spent the last six months engaging in this process, which had left him malnourished and borderline delirious at times. When his Nubian aides wheeled him around in a wheelchair one was quickly reminded of the Grandfather in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre from 1974.
That afternoon, a van from the main complex arrived to his mountain-side mudhut to pick him up for a special event. The cult had arranged a free showing of Godzilla vs. Kong in the nearby town and we accompanied them there as it was on our way back.
After the screening was over the mood was less boisterous than beforehand, and a contemplative Louis, struggling to stay conscious as he was wheeled out of the theatre murmured some half-intelligible musing on his worldview to us on our parting. He said he was looking forward to seeing the white race die out and the accursed light of the stars and other celestial objects grow faint and eventually die out, plunging everything into absolute blackness.