/lit/ - Literature and Writing

What was the wackiest spot you pissed your pants?

Would u date a girl if she a piss denier?

You part of the pull ups crew or the pampers gang?

What was the largest number of beds you went through in one night?

Do you think trans women should get to compete in the womens bed wetter league?

Which celebrities do you think are secret bed wetters? (My moneys on Seth Mcfarlin) (hes the dude from family guy) (he voices peter and his athiest dog) (I hope he starts an onlyfans where he excepts requests and then I can request he wet his bed while pretending to be the athiest dog)

You like to let it overflow or you shoot it straight into the mattress?

Do u use gatorade or water to get your bed wetting results?

What do you think of the bed pooping community? (I HATE bed poopers) (what a MESS!)

You ever piss green after eating lucky charms?

, bleated the Cumnoch schlum-stock JOHNNYBOY, bray-'n-sprayin' voice memos every which way as Sam's stream went live.

So WOULD u date a girl if she a piss denier?

The loudspeak text to speech function on Cumrod John's phone continued to rattle on, as the first viewers poured into the stream.

in came the first comments, tediously routine, and expressing nothing of value, of course.

DikLipZ_22 - Notice me, Sam!

THINKITCREAMITSCREWIT - How's it going, Georgio? I WANT THE BAT kek

MarkyPoster68 - ADRESS THE ALLEGATIONS

HernandezELchilliconcarne - Sam, how do I talk to girls? [$4000 superchat]

Sam thought again about the last thing Jet had said to him, before he was caught up in the draft.
"I'm 27, bro. I aint gonna do this forever. Find yourself another fat hog ass to fuck. I'm out, loser".
The word's echoed around and around in Sam's head, as the chats continued to pour in.

CheezFinger_Sinclair - Yo Popz, what up! When are you making another real estate video?

ILIKECUMMIESUWU - I'M GONNA SAY THE N WORD! I'M GONNA SAY THE R WORD! I'M GONNA SAY THE P,Q,X, AND W WORDS!

"uh, yeah" said Sam to the stream "I'm gonna let Johnny take this one for a while. I need to step out".
And so he stepped out. Onto the balcony, where he thought about doing it, but didn't do it because his ego was much too big. And then he stepped back in.

Johnny was busily talking to the chat. If talking was what you could call what he was doing. Sam wasn't sure, but the kids seemed to like it, and who was he to disagree?
"This kid's HOT" he reassured himself, mentally. "This kid is ON FIRE".

What do you think of the bed pooping community? (I HATE bed poopers) (what a MESS!)

Were the sentiments communicate through a series of mouth clicks, and "street jive".

And just then, Mannie Fresh burst in!

LOOK, IT'S MY CELEBRITY FRIEND, MANNIE FRESH [whotf is this? Jesus Chris, I can't cope you people]

House real big, cars real big
Dick real big, everything real big
Rims real big, pockets real big
Rings real big, let me tell you how I live
Like that, buy that, 24's ride that
Ladies, gentlemen, gangstas, pimps
Bitches, hoes, stunnas, shiners
I'm rich bitch, I'm a fuckin' Big Tymer

King of the hood, everything wood
Look like a forest in that bitch and I'm a put
Matchin sofa set, big open deck
Hardwood floors in that bitch that connect
From the front to the back, nigga top that
Six 15's in the muthafuckin' deck
Push that button, microwave oven
I'm just gettin' started pimp, you ain't seen nothin'
"Is that a fish tank, burrowed, in the middle of the dash?"
Yeah pimpin' don't put your fingers on my glass
Got a two lane bowling alley up in the truck
And on the other side a bed if she wantin' to fuck
Clap off lights when you gettin' affection
Clap on lights when you find the protection
Now where iin the wide wide world of gator
Can you ever find a truck with a plush elevator?

Here I come so, so right (Right on!)
In the shoes so, so wide (Dynamite!)
Hey y'all peep the outfit
Wait a minute, hold up just a big dick (Back up, workin' with a monster)
Now everybody knows I got the shiniest clothes (Me)
And everybody know who got the baddest hoes (Me)
Then white boys go wild "He's my idol"
And black boys say "Dude holdin' the title"
As the king of the south, work it in and out
And a nigga still pimp white teeth up in his mouth
I'm the truth from the boot shawty, what you wanna see?
I ain't gotta get money man, money get me
Yeah, pimpin' still blindin' (Bling)
Keep a Steve Harvey linin' (Edge it up)
And I'm leather reclinin' (Laid back)
With the music Alpinin'

Move ho, I ain't playin'
Land in the projects in a big jet plane
Roll out in a old ass Chevy van
With your baby mamma cookin' rookie cause I can
I do it on the real, your bitch jockin' stunna grill
I do it on the real, your bitch jockin' stunna grill
'Bout to clown put it down y'all, swing my nuts
Show all y'all niggas how to do donuts
Round and round and round (Skrrt! Stop!)
(This the part where I give my phone number to all the girls that's hot)
Dial 976 that outside dick, or 874 deep down in yo' throat
Have you ever seen a big stretch truck like that?
Now have you ever seen a big bitch butt like that?
Budonkadonk all out of her pants
With a bowlegged cowboy stance (Yee-haw)

"NO YOU SAMBOONIC FUCKING NIGGER IT'S THE PREMIERE FOR FISHTANK SEASON 27, JIVE-ROODY-POO-DIDGERIDO JIGGABOO!!!"

House real big, cars real big
Dick real big, everything real big
Rims real big, pockets real big
Rings real big, let me tell you how I live.
House real big, cars real big
Dick real big, everything real big
Rims real big, pockets real big
Rings real big, let me tell you how I live.
House real big, cars real big
Dick real big, everything real big
Rims real big, pockets real big
Rings real big, let me tell you how I live.
House real big, cars real big
Dick real big, everything real big
Rims real big, pockets real big
Rings real big, let me tell you how I live.

Said Sam.

Radio interference on the old implants.

So Fish Tank season 27. The 'Tank, as Sam liked to call it. This time he was sure he had the formula down, and it was finally going to be funny (except for the parts where the Vietnamese man is on stream, because that guy's hilarious).

Here's the deal: fifteen twelve year olds, one penthouse New York apartment, and we're going to get them to run a business! It's going to be crazy. We're going to get Frank Hassle (wait no, he's dead) We're going to get Peter Perturbance (the better Frank Hassle, in my opinion), and he's going to come in, and every time one of those twelve year olds has some dumb business idea like "I want to make a Spongebob!" or some gay shit, he's going to hold them by their ankles, and dangle them over the balcony!
It'll be funny, because it's ironic!

Man, good thing they reformed child labor laws, after literally every person in their 20's died in that last war. Fucking Zoomers, LMAO.

Anyway, it means I can be much funnier now. Because younger people are easier to fuck with. They think I'm really who I say I am, the idiots.

At this point, Sam's neuralink started picking up a Brazillian soap opera, and he lapsed into a coma for seven minutes.

Here's how the story went: Juan Conseulez, a newly made millionaire..

Had a table. And on the table there sat…

a big brown ass.

Belonging to the cleaning lady Deborah Deblonge. A steamy affair was underway, while Jaun's wife was out, buying shit nobody asked for (women, right?)

Here is a list of the items Juan's stupid cunt of a wife was buying at this very moment:

1. A fucking fake metal rack thing that goes under a bathroom bason to hold bottles of shampoo and shit

2. a carpet rug to place on an already carpeted floor

3. a cushion for a sofa that has too many cushions on it

4. some "nice biscuits" that you aren't allowed to eat, because she wants to "have them in the house"

5. a piece of art for the wall with like a picture of a tree and some annoying slogan on it like "love your own stinky fuck ass" or some shit

6. one of JK Rowling's books that Harry Potter doesn't appear in. She says she'll read it, but she wont, because Harry Potter isn't in it.

7. a magazine about flowers

8. a jar of pickled fish eyeballs, bought from a nice old Chinese lady

9. the legal deed to a donkey

10. an antique tin pot, supposedly owned by minor nobility in the 18th century

11. a genetic testing kit claiming to be able to prove if you are in fact part fairy

12. some fucking shit bread that you can't do anything with because it's shaped like a pinecone or something, and made entirely of seeds

13.

A fish tank bruh in the middle of the dash

A fish tank… tank tank tank…

14. shoes for a pig

13.

A BIG BLACK PENIS!

ooooOOOOH woooooooooohOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

A BIG BLACK DINGER DONGER!

a big DARK WILLY!

14. shoes for a pig

15. Sam, how do I get an Asian cosplay girlfriend?

"By being black"

Samuel Hyde blarted out, as he sprung to attention.

He looked like this

and he farted

And as he farted, he felt it all slip away. His prestige, his cool image, his razor sharp edge. He was an old, bald man, farting on a Youtube livestream, for an adoring audience of Incels and third world Mongoloids…

With his little tiny eeny weeny white peenie in his hand

watched "DankiusMemez" the biggest MDE fan of all.
"A fine display" said he "bravo! bravo! hip hip hooray!".

"Hoorah for my pop pop Samuel Hudenborg, and his cavalcade of experimental comedy stylings! Truly he has pushed the envelope once again, and I am left astounded! I shall tell my descendants I was there! I was there to watch Samuel, as he sharted his shorts on cam. A tour de force! A Gran Turismo, indeed!"

Samuel Hyde decides to shove a huge black dildo up his ass for his audience. Samuel goes up and down, up and down, up and down, letting out a fart as he does it, jerking his tiny shriveled kike dick for his adoring fans.

You know, ironically.

Chapter 2:
The Return of Jon from Fish Tank Season 1, Who Uploaded His Brain to the Internet (like in Ghost in the Shell), to Dodge the Draft

Sam Hyde's ass was almost fill to burstin'…

A sudden noise of tearing is heard, the next thing the poor fat old Sam Kike knows is that the dildo is fully in his ass and it's stuck.

He makes that sound of Tom from Tom and Jerry yelling.
Like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA".

and then ejaculates into his own mouth.

What's the deal with black people? I mean, they're not black, and they're not people. I mean come on!

Said Jon from Fish Tank Season 1, Who Uploaded His Brain to the Internet (like in Ghost in the Shell), to Dodge the Draft

who then proceeded to

ejaculate into his own mouth. He did that cool thing where you put your head and neck on the couch and scoot your ass and back up the wall so your penis is dangling in front of your mouth and then squirted it into a funnel he had in his mouth.

But that simply wouldn't fly for ol' big time Johnny One-Eye, the Spurt-Spry Tyke who Chikes-it-Up (what a CLASSIC CHITE-TRIPE THROWBACK!!).

But then, from the deepest recessed corner in the room, the wily, zesty buck interjected:

"My name is Super Ramon!"

Armond White enters the room, with a big white cigarette hanging from his plump lips. He looks around and asks no one in particular.
"The Super Ramon? It would be an honor to meet him, I love his cinematography."