/truth/ - Paranomal

I have a suspicion I may have been involved in some kind of, if not Australian MK ultra rip off, then typical ritual abuse sometime before or during the age of four. I have very little proof or evidence so I will post the reasons I believe so and if you think something is up you can give me signs and stuff that may help discern the truth.
My father is a schizophrenic and and at the time a drug user, I remember one instance where he rocked up and confronted mom's boyfriend and drug dealer with a screwdriver, demanding to talk to my mother who got custody and had my two younger siblings with my dad's best friend (before doing the same to him, getting her tubes tied and then sleeping with like 30 other dudes). The drug dealer wasn't a nigger though and genuinely a cool dude (most of the boyfriends were and were taken advantage of). This place is the first main house where I have coherent memories as my mom, being a pothead since 13, moved around heaps, stopping for three years for me to do prep up to grade three. Numerous notable things in this period
>The half caste kid neighbour convinced me at age four or so to engage in sexual acts. He was only a couple years older than me, I remember he had two friends that only came over once and were also a couple years older than him, they were into it too. It is around this point where I was swayed from the light of God
>I do not know if it was before or after, but grandad got us to watch a Christian movie about box jelly fish a lot of times, and one time in my room I talked to an entity or what I thought was one but actually myself which told me we had to 'kill Jesus's by waiting in the dark stuff outside the tunnel and then thanking him with a kitchen knife which I had been holding when I died childish I know but it's what my kid brain thought of. the thing I talked to encouraged me to perform sexual acts on myself, which of course no kid my age could possibly come up with

>My grandfather who unwittingly married a 'polish jew' as he calls her has many stories of Jesuits, Catholics and Jews that supposedly ran this town and subsequently the state. His wife cheated on him frequently and he is convinced only two of his kids are his, my mother and uncle (uncle supposedly died of alcohol poisoning but my grandad says it was for insurance money by his wife's side of the family). His wifes father was chief of police in the town and they had a real stereotypical Slavic kike last name which I will not mention. Resulting from this he says that a dago drug dealer got my mother on weed and molested her, grandad confronted him and drove him out of the town but mom was still in custody of grandma, who's husband abused her (not sexually).
>Grandad says that at this house he saw what he called satanic characters (not in robes, but fucked up soulless faces) and one time claims they had me on a mattress when I was a infant and there was fire or something burning idk.
I am the eldest son if that means anything. I used to have night terrors then, and much later sometimes cried for literally no reason at night. Also this one dude at this house was really weird and kept punching me (full contact) and congratulated me when I finally moved my head. I saw some kind of shadow entity on two occasions about 15 years apart, with the latter being most recent and with actual interaction (head ringing and vibrating, and keeping my head down. Not sleep paralysis as I managed to lift my neck to see. Also a chronic dopamine fried coomer since thirteen, but that's clearly to me my unrestricted access to the internet at that age and not sinister forces.

Forgive my disorganised post. I do not want to be an eceleb or larp. I am looking for signs that I am not aware of so that I can realise if this is a meaningful rabbit hole or just typical poor junkie lineage shit. I know how to find the kid, and I know some people my grandad was associated with that he had suspicions of, what are the signs, how do I not end up missing. Also I have I blacked out for a 5 second period after 4 cans and woke up when after I stabbed myself in the leg.