/truth/ - Paranomal

>>771
They were probably just scared and saw your group as a threat. Next time go alone, maybe bring a little baggie with some food (Gorducks love seeded fruits and nuts especially). Stories of Gorduck attacks are almost always ornery females defending the nest from people getting way too close

>>775
nah my buddy saw one just like this…. big fella… with a spear just like this and five or six just like it, he had to sprint out the woods just to get away. Now he never goes near Gorducks not even in a car

>>776
This is just ridiculous. Gorducks don't have the dexterity to manipulate tools. And the ability to make them would suggest an intelligence far beyond what we have observed in nature. Much more intelligent. As for hunting in packs like wolves? It's the stuff of campfire horror stories. I think your friend had one too many beers.

>>777
A: checked
B: how fo you know Gorducks couldn't fuck around and work out the basics? They probably even vote in Florida for Chrissakes

>>777
Gorducks normally are solitary creatures, but during migration season they typically travel in packs on their hikes south. During this time they get extremely aggressive, so that's where most of these stories come from. The spear thing is total bullshit though, at best it may have picked up a whittled stick but no way did it make the thing. Probably left behind by a scout or camper.

Gorducks DO have the dexterity to make a sharp stick, but don't have the understanding to make one, so the point is moot.

Plus, they have shit depth perception so if your "Friend" got hit by one he probably deserved it.

Just leave them alone, you wouldn't like it if Gorducks went walking around your house, and that's what you're doing to them, traipsing around like a div. Honking your car at them is even worse. They hate honks, this is a FACT.

I mean, gorducks have to be monotremes, right? Their brains must therefore be significantly less developed than your average placental mammal, to say nothing of true primates. I doubt gorducks are smart enough to even use tools, let alone make them.

>>782
The problem is they might find a car with the keys inside and figure out how to drive and eventually vote in Florida. This isn't a joke, they will shape the election with their human-like fingers and yet beaked faces.

I saw Gorduck at a grocery store in Geneva, Illinois yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn't want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, "Oh, like you're doing now?" I was taken aback, and all I could say was "Huh?" but he kept cutting me off and going "huh? huh? huh?" and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like "Sir, you need to pay for those first." At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually "to prevent any electrical infetterence," and then turned around and winked at me. I don't even think that's a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Saw one trying to catch a fish the other day and it just slipped right out of his hands. A beast this big can't possibly survive on berries and nuts alone so how does it catch it's meat? Are they just in a constant state of hunger then?

4 years ago I hit one in the water while boating. Guy was under the water and I couldn't see him but my propellor shredded him. What looked like his family came out afterwards, I was right next to them but they acted like I just wasn't there. They went right for their dead friend and lifted him up and carried him downstream, some kind of ritual I bet.

>>820
Gorducks have high emotional intelligence and mourn their dead

Gorducks can be pretty aggressive. I was camping at Apple River Canyon some years ago and I'm pretty sure it was a gorduck that trashed my camp while I was sleeping.

>>838
They were probably just looking for food.

So lately I've been finding an unusual amount of small animals dead with their necks broken outside my family's cabin. I set up a trail cam last night and caught a glimpse of this big guy. What's the verdict, /truth/? Is it a gorduck? And is it responsible for the mysterious animal deaths?

>>888
Bearduck

>>889
>bearduck
Is such a monster even possible?

Would gorducks and bearducks get along?

>>888
There is evidence of a humanoid bear war going back to 1000s of years ago. It's only natural that the apex predators from that era (gorillas, and grizzlys) would evolve in a similar pattern. The duck crossbreeding must have occured around the same time for both of them. My suggestion would be to keep them apart as long as possible for the sake of the natural order, else we restart the old wars

>>893
I think it stands to reason that despite their somewhat divergent appearances, the two species are closely related, and may even be the same species. Gorduck sightings tend to be brief, distant, poorly-attested, or all three, and the only thing we can safely say with the evidence we have is that there appears to be at least one large, semi-bipedal, semi-aquatic monotreme living in the northern midwest. If we're dealing with two species here, they probably occupy similar niches in the ecosystem and would therefore treat each other as territorial rivals when they meet.

Was walking on the river trail by my house last weekend, and saw a baby gorduck and a mother walking hand in hand. It begs the question, do gorducks lay eggs or do they have a mammal style birth??

>>1018
They pop out of holes in the ground tbh, have you ever seen a female Gorduck that you could actually confirm the sex of? The "females" are practically identical to males.

At least patty the samsquanch had those big swinging milkies

>>1018
Gorducks are probably monotremes, that is egg-laying mammals like platypuses. The fossil record actually does indicate that 61 million years ago there was a genus of platypus-like monotremes in the Americas called Monotrematum, and I think that gorducks may be descended from these. So yeah in that case they would lay eggs but still technically be mammals.

>>1019
>The "females" are practically identical to males

Like dwarves? Are they related genetically somehow?

>>1021
The nostrils are too high up for a platypus though.

>>1057
GORDUCK NO
STOP THIS, YOU'RE ONLY HURTING YOURSELF

>>1059
Don't worry, Gorducks are pretty much incapable of feeling pain.

>>1056
True but 61 million years is a lot of time for a species to change. According to the official narrative, our own ancestors weren't even true monkeys yet at that point. For whatever reason, gorduck evolution seems to have been largely convergent with our own. Makes you wonder just how intelligent the gorduck might actually be. They have, after all, managed to elude mainstream scientific description despite living amidst the highly industrialized countries of the US and Canada.

>>1061
>that pic
<so this is the power of shroom brain + alphabrain + alphamale vitality

Imagine seeing a gorduck if they didn't exist, couldn't be me

>>1065
They are probably on the same level as the average tvch poster :/

>>1070
So the most intelligent beings in existence? I imagine the pastoral lifestyle the lead would be nearly perfect, if not for having to avoid us. Maybe they are also inclined to heavily hibernate in a similar veign to our NEETdom? Their may be a deeper connection than we thought…

>>1080
Would Gorducks be cuckimeposters or waifuposters?

>>1081
They'd discuss Eisenstein, Ingmar Bergman, Von Stroheim and D.W Griffith. Perhaps Refn, for the particularly intellectually refined Gorduck specimen.

>>1097
I bet Refn knows all about Gorducks.

I saw a gorduck eating the other day. Really strange stuff if I'm being completely /truth/ful here. The guy grabbed a fish out of the water I always thought they were herbivores, must be just really lazy ominvores And proceeded to open up its beak mouth and swallow the entire fish whole. At first I was kind of shocked, can their stomachs handle the bones of a fish? That alone was quite terrifying, but it appears that wasn't the case, as the Gorduck then encountered a wolf that started acting aggressive to it. If an entire pack was there I bet the Gorduck would have just swung away through the trees, but it stood its ground and began to swell up like it was going to charge. When suddenly like a bolt of lightning it puckered its beak and shot out something from it at the wolf! It hit the wolf bad in the leg so it whimpered away. Turns out it was saving the extra bones in some kind of sack in its throat somewhere or something, because it used them like a freaking blowdart! Completely fascinating creatures. I would be terrified of them if they weren't so lazy.

Gorducks can spot glow in the darks during the day and will eat them alive

Gorducks have a notorious bad sense of smell, this is a serious issue for them, as they have a hard time avoiding more experienced hunters and also determining what is edible. To counteract this gorducks can and will eat basically anything edible. Only the most toxic of poisons will seriously hurt them, and even those they will usually live through where other animals would die.

What are gorducks relationships with other water/land hybrids?? Do you think they like to sit on turtles and let them carry them places??

>>1546
>Do you think they like to sit on turtles and let them carry them places??
That's very whimsical

Gahoole mentioned "Elder Gorducks" in one of his last streams. Does that mean there are other variants of gorducks out there??? Obviously albino variants exist based on photos itt, but could there be physical differences beyond just skin/fur color and size??

>>1777
Maybe the meaning is more literal. Do we know how old Gorducks get?

>>1778
A gorilla's lifespan in the wild is about 40 years, a duck's is about 10 years depending on breed. So I'd have to say their lifespan is no more than 40 years. But since there are no records or any in captivity we cannot be sure. Perhaps there are 80 year old Elder silverbacked gorducks?

I haven't seen many gorducks since the waters froze a few months ago. I always wondered what happens to them in the winter. Do they travel south for the winter? Do they hibernate like bears? Do they hide in people's walls haha I know just joking. I decided to go out to the last lake I saw one at to see if there were any tracks left of them to follow. Sadly everything was covered by snow. Some fisherman had their ice houses set up on the lake though so I decided to go out and talk to them for a bit. I started walking across the lake, fairly slowly so as not to slip on the ice. The sun was starting to come down so it was kinda hard to look straight ahead the glare gets so bad on the ice you sometimes need to wear sunscreen so I was looking straight down at my feet the whole way over. The ice was mostly white but you could kind of see into the lake if you looked hard enough. I could see a couple fish moving but really it was pretty quiet down there… that was until I saw something. I saw it. I saw IT. a massive green brown flash darted through the ice beneath my feet. Moving like a flash towards the ice house. Before I could even start to shout a warning to them I heard a deathly scream come from inside the furthest east ice house. I started running at a breakneck pace towards the screaming. I didn't even care about the sun in my eyes at that point. I was almost to the ice house when I slipped. I fell and smashed my nose against the hard ice floor. Slightly cracking the ice and massively cracking my big fat ugly nose. I slowly lifted my face off of the ice and started to stand back up again, when suddenly I saw it. There swimming in the murky lake depth beneath the ice was a gorduck. Massive and proud, his fur slick and greasy, his belly fat from fish. I recognized him immediately from the photos I had seen on /truth/ before. however there was what I thought to be a heavy crimson cape draped around him. swirling around him like a ragged shawl. He began to slowly swim away and the crimson sinked behind him, I realized then it was a mass of blood, thick and gelatinous and filled with fatty cholesterol from years of fried fish. I was too late. the deed was done. I rushed over to the ice house and burst inside to find a man frozen in shock. He had a mass of portruding bone and shredded flesh where his right arm should have been. His fellow fisherman were around him, pulling him up and treating his wound. They all had ropes around their waist, tied off to rivets drilled into the ice. I helped lift the gorducked fisherman away from the hole, and we brought him to one of his friends trucks to drive to the hospital. The other fisherman looked angry, but not too unphased. I asked them if they knew about the gorduck and they all said it was a known risk fishing these waters. They wear those ropes to ensure they don't get dragged all the way under. But many a fisherman had been lost to the icy waters in the past. This man was just another in a long line of tragic maulings. Many of the fisherman expressed a desire to go and hunt down the gorduck. But they all knew in the winter that would be nearly impossible, with the ice being the way it is, and once the water thawed the gorduck would leave the lake and hide in the forest once again, where it also would be impossible to hunt. Apparently the only time of year hunts are attempted are in the fall, but everytime they do that the gorduck apparently just hides in leaf piles and throws rocks at the hunters to lead them in the wrong direction and get lost among the dying trees. One fisherman packed his bags up then and headed home saying "This is the gorducks lake, we only get the fish he allows us to have. Just be grateful it was only an arm this time"

>>2916
What the fuck I think I just heard a quooking sound from inside my walls. Gorducks can't really live in walls can they??

>>2941
Gorducks beaks are like a cats whiskers, they allow them to compress their body into the absolute tightest of spaced I'M IN YOUR WALLS

I thought you guys were joking. Checked my crawlspace today after hearing some weird noises. Sort of like an "ooo ooo" noise. I couldn't find anything down there but when I went back and looked at the photos I noticed something weird. Really freaked out now

Do gorducks coo?

>>2974
Holy fucking shit

>>2981
obvious shoop, faggot

>>2983
Kys, fed.

>>2983
Yes I used photoshop to up the brightness and contrast on the image revealing the holy grail of gorduck imagery actually caught on camera

Gorduck here, AMA.

>>2996
You like Huey Lewis and the News?

>>2981
Catch it anon.

Fuck man last night I watched Gahoole's stream, enjoying myself, and I'm getting to bed when I see a light in the back yard that freaks me out. I get up and go outside only to see the cops on the property next to mine. I don't talk to them, they see me but keep looking around this place and yet stick to their search of the perimeter, real pencil dick looks on their faces.
Anyways today I go talk to the neighbor and they say there was a smash and grab. They called the cops but, and they didn't mention this to the cops, they said they saw a real big shadow hulking off behind their place. Cops didn't find shit. But I went back there, looking around, hoping I wouldn't have to scare off a homeless camp, but instead I saw feathers. Creepy shit. If a gorduck wanted to break in and have it's way with you nobody could stop it. I haven't told these guys about gorducks, they wouldn't likely believe me anyways.

Somebody post the Gorduck video where they're sitting around to Gorillaz' Melancholy Hill.

>>3037
>If a gorduck wanted to break in and have it's way with you nobody could stop it. I haven't told these guys about gorducks, they wouldn't likely believe me anyways.
*leans on mic*
Yeah man, those things will tear you to shreads.

>>3273
Thanks bro.

>>3275
A lot of Gorillaz' early stuff was pretty good.

Where the gorducks sits on this pyramid?

>>1080
>>1081
on the internet, nobody knows you're a gorduck…….